What I learned from Loremaster

  1. No NPC is to be trusted, no matter what you think, they have a ploy of some kind, and you are only a pawn in a long line of pawns that will help them build an abomination against the town you have been sent to protect
  2. Blizzard has hired a completely new design team for the quest, because whomever did the quest in Eastern Kingdoms / Kalmidor would have had every quest in Northrend going from Borean Tundra to Howling Fjord… and back… 7 Times… For 1 quest.
  3. Addendum to above: One man was kept, and he was responsible for any quest which involved Murlocs, except now he’s been given “Puppy Dog Men”
  4. You character will need emotional counseling of some kind, whether it be fighting the evil version of yourself, accidentally killing the daughter of a mage you visit on Stormwind, or being inadvertently responsible for letting the most terrible demon in the history of Draenor free.
  5. After  the psych evaluation they’re going to need a cat scan to help correct the brain damage from Netherstorm
  6. No matter how old you are, poop jokes are still relevant and should be used at every possible corner, and than the item you get from that poop related quest should be consumed
  7. NPC’s don’t mind buying back the family heirloom you just got from them.
  8. Your character has allegiance to no one, and what the Cenarion circle doesn’t know won’t hurt them. Kill Hemets men one side of the mountain range, murder thousands of creatures in the name of Hemets men on the other side.
  9. Your character is morally neutral at best, chaotic neutral at worst, you may give your life for a group of animals one week letting them out of traps.  But the next week you will be selling their eggs to goblins, and their horns, and any other body part that makes a good drink
  10. No matter how many times this guy has been killed or escorted to whatever location, he will be back and it needs to be done again
  11. Addendum to point 1: Whenever the creature type of the quest giver is demon, the chance of betrayal increases 10 fold.
  12. The dragon flights are bipolar, and while they will work with you one week, they’ll be trying to eat you the next
  13. Wildlife in Azeroth is a problem for everyone, and the only reason the Cenarion cirlce exist at all is because they don’t have wildlife to murder in their area. Otherwise they too would have you murdering helpless creatures
  14. Everything is corrupt everywhere, from politics, to trees, to antelope, to business, to the corpse of your friends. You should assume anything that moves including yourself can be corrupted to the point that you have to kill it
  15. A flag on your back can only mean 2 things. 1.) You are now Awesome 2.) You are now the most valid target for 12,000 miles
  16. Its perfectly legitimate to win over a people, and than begin to murder them in mass for someone else. [Netherdrakes, Ogres, etc.]
  17. People won’t sell you food until you have killed a mountain load of their enemies.
  18. You are only smart enough to be trusted with a single task in any one given area at a time.
  19. Tirion levels just like you do, except instead of XP he gains more badass.
  20. Addendum to above: Bolavar will always be more badass than Tirion at any given time.
  21. The Alliance is infested with spies / traitors / political corruption
  22. If You see a named creature and it doesn’t have the word “Rare” anywhere next to it you will be killing it eventually
  23. If you see an elite creature with a name and it doesn’t have the word rare next to it, you and some friends will be killing it eventually
  24. Group quest can always be assumed to require one less person than is suggested on the quest
  25. Only quest in which you do something terrible is the quest item not removed at the end of the quest, to remind you of what you have done [Letters, Notes, etc.]
  26. Every piece of wildlife on the planet is a threat to a nearby camp, and it should be exterminated… to the point of extinction
  27. It’s my theory that your character is responsible for the death of all the Dinosaurs in the world you will at some point go back in time and murder them all or kill so many they will be isolated in protective titan nature reserves
  28. Titan technology is not to be trusted with mission critical items, and it can always be assumed to be corrupt or failing at its job
  29. You’re character will probably be revealed as being responsible for the end of the world, just calling this now.
  30. Good intentions pave a path to crappy quest rewards
  31. The more sentient the creature is, the more of them that need to be killed, creatures approaching sentience are the most dangerous of all [Raptors]
  32. Every zone has a race of creatures that are the villain of the area
  33. Holidays make all the problems go away, and even in areas infested with the demon spawn of satan, its ok to let commonors come out and tell you about the wonderful festivities back at home
  34. The only things that are actually pressing matters are those with timer on the quest, all other things can be put off
  35. Addendum: No quest with a timer beside it is actually a matter of pressing concern
  36. There are more cults with your name on their wanted list than you can be bothered to count
  37. The only thing stopping your character from becoming a human sacrifice is a line of NPC’s willing to take the blow. And with your characters luck, you are running out of NPC’s.
  38. You can suffer every indignity on the planet, but only you have the choice to end up in a situation naked.
  39. The opposing faction is actually probably neutral towards you, but each faction has a team crazy who ruins everything.
  40. those needing an escort never run, and when they do they are always out of shape.
  41. The number of charges on the scrying bowl is a good gauge of how long this quest line will be.
  42. Not only could it be worse, your presence in the area pretty much guarantees it will be.
  43. Any creature that was a boss in an instance is likely a quest mob in the next expansion
  44. You only need to be 10 levels above the 40 man raid boss to solo it

That’s about all I can think of, I thought some of you might enjoy it.

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